I guess it just isn't our time but when is? Again we sat there while the dr tells us how great our embryos were and how great my lining was to have her say "we don't have an answer".
It is just so unfair and sad. At least this time Kyle and I both sat in the garage together. Not sure that was really better to make him listen to me cry like a baby. It's just so painful.
So now we play the game again, with cash and pray the third time is a charm otherwise I guess we will truly be childless in this life. I guess that is what hurts the most.
This is the long story of our fertility journey as well as our triple blessing.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Well...
We didn't do it! HA! I know you guys are on pins and needles waiting to hear but I guess we made it this far...
So we shall wait at least until the morning. My appointment was moved to 11 and Kyle is going to pick me up and go with me. Thanks to all my friends that offered to come with even those that offered to sit in the car and be my chauffeur :) So kind!
I can tell you that my childhood BFF Ami, brought me pumpkin cookies which you just can't appreciate if you have never had them... THEY ARE AMAZING! I'm sure you know that childhood BFF always holds that special place in your heart and prayers! Thanks Ami for still being there after... um...OMG! 25 Years!
My 11th birthday, Ami was 9! Look at those teeth, pre-million dollar mouth! Thanks mom & dad!
Anyway, thanks friends! I really am blessed by each one of you all the time! :)
So we shall wait at least until the morning. My appointment was moved to 11 and Kyle is going to pick me up and go with me. Thanks to all my friends that offered to come with even those that offered to sit in the car and be my chauffeur :) So kind!
I can tell you that my childhood BFF Ami, brought me pumpkin cookies which you just can't appreciate if you have never had them... THEY ARE AMAZING! I'm sure you know that childhood BFF always holds that special place in your heart and prayers! Thanks Ami for still being there after... um...OMG! 25 Years!
My 11th birthday, Ami was 9! Look at those teeth, pre-million dollar mouth! Thanks mom & dad!
Anyway, thanks friends! I really am blessed by each one of you all the time! :)
12dp7dt - Beta eve.
Well it is finally here, beta eve. In one quick POAS my dreams will be realized or crushed.
Many people have sent well wishes which we appreciate but the thing that people don't understand is this may not work. When you say "I know it will be positive" or "aren't you excited", well something like that makes my stomach tighten. I would love to tell you what to say to us but I don't know myself. I guess we will just have to work together to get through this 2 week wait.
We want more than anything for this to be positive but to put all of our hope and faith into this cycle well, history shows that is a recipe for disaster.
I am dreading this POAS, you would think I would be so excited but I am not. I am nervous that tonight will tell us if our $15,000 has resulted in the precious child we wanted for so long. If not, we will be paying a loan for the next seven years that will remind us of our defeat on a monthly basis. That one stings!
Enough depressing talk, today is potluck day at work and gift exchange! I am excited about that and for a few hours I am going to pretend that I am prego and eat till my heart is content! :)
Many people have sent well wishes which we appreciate but the thing that people don't understand is this may not work. When you say "I know it will be positive" or "aren't you excited", well something like that makes my stomach tighten. I would love to tell you what to say to us but I don't know myself. I guess we will just have to work together to get through this 2 week wait.
We want more than anything for this to be positive but to put all of our hope and faith into this cycle well, history shows that is a recipe for disaster.
I am dreading this POAS, you would think I would be so excited but I am not. I am nervous that tonight will tell us if our $15,000 has resulted in the precious child we wanted for so long. If not, we will be paying a loan for the next seven years that will remind us of our defeat on a monthly basis. That one stings!
Enough depressing talk, today is potluck day at work and gift exchange! I am excited about that and for a few hours I am going to pretend that I am prego and eat till my heart is content! :)
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
11dp7dt
As many of you can see by now, the two week wait is just torture during the IVF process. I'm still having twinges and little pains going on but who knows what it is caused from.
Nothing really new to report besides making a delicious dinner last night of pasta salad, brats and sauerkraut. YUM! Kyle was very pleased.
Oh and I slept like a baby last night! I haven't slept great recently, probably because of the 2ww and the stress involved with the unknown but last night it was chilly in the house so I cuddled up next to my natural heater (Kyle) and fell asleep. It was wonderful!
It's the simple things in life :)
As for work life, well this should sum it up:
Nothing really new to report besides making a delicious dinner last night of pasta salad, brats and sauerkraut. YUM! Kyle was very pleased.
Oh and I slept like a baby last night! I haven't slept great recently, probably because of the 2ww and the stress involved with the unknown but last night it was chilly in the house so I cuddled up next to my natural heater (Kyle) and fell asleep. It was wonderful!
It's the simple things in life :)
As for work life, well this should sum it up:
Monday, December 10, 2012
10dp7dt...
And we wait some more...
Last night was my niece's 5th birthday at Chucky Cheese and believe me, you would think that place would make you not want to have kids! But it is much the opposite for me. I want that little someone to watch out for and grab my hand to go play another game. Maybe if we had that little someone Kyle would play less games! lol
Thought I would share this cute picture of my nieces, Aubrie, Katie & Libby, they went to Club Tabby:
I am feeling more and more negative about things. I guess it is my mind preparing itself for devastation. I know people say to stay positive but when you have been going through this emotional roller coaster for so many years it is just reality.
I keep pushing these thoughts to the back but they keep popping through, I feel my eyes welling up and then I am able to return the thought to the back of my mind again. It's just so hurtful to think we have been through such a long process and so much money for more heart ache.
I also try to imagine what our life will be like with no children of our own and that too is very painful to even imagine.
We still have a chance that things will work out so I don't need to change gears just yet but I'm a planner and I don't like the unknown.
I told Kyle we are testing Wednesday night so I know what to expect when I go to the doctor on Thursday. I know it will be painful to hear something negative come out of Ms. Devine's mouth even if I expect it so I want a little time to prepare myself so I can ask good questions.
Last night was my niece's 5th birthday at Chucky Cheese and believe me, you would think that place would make you not want to have kids! But it is much the opposite for me. I want that little someone to watch out for and grab my hand to go play another game. Maybe if we had that little someone Kyle would play less games! lol
Thought I would share this cute picture of my nieces, Aubrie, Katie & Libby, they went to Club Tabby:
I am feeling more and more negative about things. I guess it is my mind preparing itself for devastation. I know people say to stay positive but when you have been going through this emotional roller coaster for so many years it is just reality.
I keep pushing these thoughts to the back but they keep popping through, I feel my eyes welling up and then I am able to return the thought to the back of my mind again. It's just so hurtful to think we have been through such a long process and so much money for more heart ache.
I also try to imagine what our life will be like with no children of our own and that too is very painful to even imagine.
We still have a chance that things will work out so I don't need to change gears just yet but I'm a planner and I don't like the unknown.
I told Kyle we are testing Wednesday night so I know what to expect when I go to the doctor on Thursday. I know it will be painful to hear something negative come out of Ms. Devine's mouth even if I expect it so I want a little time to prepare myself so I can ask good questions.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
9dp7dt
The wait continues...
Last night was my holiday party and let me say it is not nearly as fun when you don't stay the night and when you aren't drinking. But I got to spend time with my friends so it was worth the effort!
It is beginning to dawn on me how close we are to this journey being over, I guess I'm feeling negative today. If this does not work we only have 2 babies left and if these two efforts didn't work what is to say the next will?
I know I need to be positive but it's not so easy all the time :(
Last night was my holiday party and let me say it is not nearly as fun when you don't stay the night and when you aren't drinking. But I got to spend time with my friends so it was worth the effort!
It is beginning to dawn on me how close we are to this journey being over, I guess I'm feeling negative today. If this does not work we only have 2 babies left and if these two efforts didn't work what is to say the next will?
I know I need to be positive but it's not so easy all the time :(
Thursday, December 6, 2012
6dp7dt...
Today has been full of preparations for my upcoming company holiday party. I spent my morning printing name tags, table tents and getting them organized. I am also working on a surprise employee thing that I won't mention here in case any of them read this.
I also had the most wonderful lunch of left overs BUT it was sitting at the table in the break room with my BFF Caroline and Andreas like we used to do. I haven't sat in there since she left work just over a year ago. It was nice!
Last night I was laying on the couch when Shelby (black cat) jumps on my chest. I lifted her off and put her on the back of the couch. Kyle tells me I shouldn't pick her up because he thinks she weighs more than 10lbs (my limit for now). He actually took her to the bathroom and weighed her! She is 13lbs so I guess I won't be picking her up anymore, at least for now. I thought that was so funny last night and sweet that he is taking such care of me in this 2ww.
As for me, well I believe my mind plays tricks with me. I feel little twinges here and there and then some heaviness in my lower belly area but I'm sure all of my IVF friends know, that could be anything.
So still I have not POAS (piss on a stick) mostly because Kyle didn't want me to and then Caroline told me I shouldn't. I can't imagine that I can wait another week but we will take it day by day!
I also had the most wonderful lunch of left overs BUT it was sitting at the table in the break room with my BFF Caroline and Andreas like we used to do. I haven't sat in there since she left work just over a year ago. It was nice!
Last night I was laying on the couch when Shelby (black cat) jumps on my chest. I lifted her off and put her on the back of the couch. Kyle tells me I shouldn't pick her up because he thinks she weighs more than 10lbs (my limit for now). He actually took her to the bathroom and weighed her! She is 13lbs so I guess I won't be picking her up anymore, at least for now. I thought that was so funny last night and sweet that he is taking such care of me in this 2ww.
As for me, well I believe my mind plays tricks with me. I feel little twinges here and there and then some heaviness in my lower belly area but I'm sure all of my IVF friends know, that could be anything.
So still I have not POAS (piss on a stick) mostly because Kyle didn't want me to and then Caroline told me I shouldn't. I can't imagine that I can wait another week but we will take it day by day!
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
4dp7dt...
Today is the fourth day after the embryo transfer of our 7 day old blasts. By most accounts we can probably test at home tomorrow and see if things turn out positive but we are holding out.
I went back to work today and refrained from moving anything or picking up anything too heavy.
I also got to welcome my BFF back to her old job at work!! That is a huge deal since I was the one who was charged with laying her off last year and it broke my heart! She also reminded me today that everything happens for a reason and if these babies stick I would need backup at work. Lucky me, she's back!
I'm sure it's God's work here although I don't want my hopes too high but that made me smile ;)
I went back to work today and refrained from moving anything or picking up anything too heavy.
I also got to welcome my BFF back to her old job at work!! That is a huge deal since I was the one who was charged with laying her off last year and it broke my heart! She also reminded me today that everything happens for a reason and if these babies stick I would need backup at work. Lucky me, she's back!
I'm sure it's God's work here although I don't want my hopes too high but that made me smile ;)
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Bed Rest day 2.5 continued
Today was a good day of nothingness! Ha! Mom, Dad and Todd came and brought roast for lunch. They stayed and hung out for a while.
I missed Sharon's bday dinner tonight but husband brought me leftovers which were delicious!
Now I lay here and do nothing but again if this works then it is worth it!
I missed Sharon's bday dinner tonight but husband brought me leftovers which were delicious!
Now I lay here and do nothing but again if this works then it is worth it!
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Bed Rest continued...
I've made it almost 24 hours in this bed.
Thankfully Husband has been wonderful and checked on me, cooked for me and switched out pills for me. He also brought me lunch with pineapples since pineapples are super prego food! I thought it was sweet.
I think the folks are coming by later to hang out a bit and maybe Todd. Amanda mentioned coming by too.
Other than that me and the twins will lay here and maybe make it to the couch in a bit.
Keep praying for us!
Thankfully Husband has been wonderful and checked on me, cooked for me and switched out pills for me. He also brought me lunch with pineapples since pineapples are super prego food! I thought it was sweet.
I think the folks are coming by later to hang out a bit and maybe Todd. Amanda mentioned coming by too.
Other than that me and the twins will lay here and maybe make it to the couch in a bit.
Keep praying for us!
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