Bad news again!

I guess it just isn't our time but when is? Again we sat there while the dr tells us how great our embryos were and how great my lining was to have her say "we don't have an answer".

It is just so unfair and sad. At least this time Kyle and I both sat in the garage together. Not sure that was really better to make him listen to me cry like a baby. It's just so painful.

So now we play the game again, with cash and pray the third time is a charm otherwise I guess we will truly be childless in this life. I guess that is what hurts the most.

Well...

We didn't do it! HA!  I know you guys are on pins and needles waiting to hear but I guess we made it this far...

So we shall wait at least until the morning.  My appointment was moved to 11 and Kyle is going to pick me up and go with me.  Thanks to all my friends that offered to come with even those that offered to sit in the car and be my chauffeur :)  So kind!

I can tell you that my childhood BFF Ami, brought me pumpkin cookies which you just can't appreciate if you have never had them... THEY ARE AMAZING!  I'm sure you know that childhood BFF always holds that special place in your heart and prayers!  Thanks Ami for still being there after... um...OMG! 25 Years! 

My 11th birthday, Ami was 9!  Look at those teeth, pre-million dollar mouth!  Thanks mom & dad!

Anyway, thanks friends!  I really am blessed by each one of you all the time! :)

12dp7dt - Beta eve.

Well it is finally here, beta eve.  In one quick POAS my dreams will be realized or crushed. 

Many people have sent well wishes which we appreciate but the thing that people don't understand is this may not work.  When you say "I know it will be positive" or "aren't you excited", well something like that makes my stomach tighten.  I would love to tell you what to say to us but I don't know myself.  I guess we will just have to work together to get through this 2 week wait.

We want more than anything for this to be positive but to put all of our hope and faith into this cycle well, history shows that is a recipe for disaster. 

I am dreading this POAS, you would think I would be so excited but I am not.  I am nervous that tonight will tell us if our $15,000 has resulted in the precious child we wanted for so long.  If not, we will be paying a loan for the next seven years that will remind us of our defeat on a monthly basis.  That one stings!

Enough depressing talk, today is potluck day at work and gift exchange!  I am excited about that and for a few hours I am going to pretend that I am prego and eat till my heart is content! :)

11dp7dt

As many of you can see by now, the two week wait is just torture during the IVF process.  I'm still having twinges and little pains going on but who knows what it is caused from. 

Nothing really new to report besides making a delicious dinner last night of pasta salad, brats and sauerkraut.  YUM!  Kyle was very pleased. 

Oh and I slept like a baby last night!  I haven't slept great recently, probably because of the 2ww and the stress involved with the unknown but last night it was chilly in the house so I cuddled up next to my natural heater (Kyle) and fell asleep.  It was wonderful!

It's the simple things in life :)

As for work life, well this should sum it up:

10dp7dt...

And we wait some more...

Last night was my niece's 5th birthday at Chucky Cheese and believe me, you would think that place would make you not want to have kids!  But it is much the opposite for me.  I want that little someone to watch out for and grab my hand to go play another game.  Maybe if we had that little someone Kyle would play less games! lol

Thought I would share this cute picture of my nieces, Aubrie, Katie & Libby, they went to Club Tabby:

I am feeling more and more negative about things.  I guess it is my mind preparing itself for devastation.  I know people say to stay positive but when you have been going through this emotional roller coaster for so many years it is just reality.

I keep pushing these thoughts to the back but they keep popping through, I feel my eyes welling up and then I am able to return the thought to the back of my mind again.  It's just so hurtful to think we have been through such a long process and so much money for more heart ache.

I also try to imagine what our life will be like with no children of our own and that too is very painful to even imagine. 

We still have a chance that things will work out so I don't need to change gears just yet but I'm a planner and I don't like the unknown.

I told Kyle we are testing Wednesday night so I know what to expect when I go to the doctor on Thursday.  I know it will be painful to hear something negative come out of Ms. Devine's mouth even if I expect it so I want a little time to prepare myself so I can ask good questions.

9dp7dt

The wait continues...

Last night was my holiday party and let me say it is not nearly as fun when you don't stay the night and when you aren't drinking. But I got to spend time with my friends so it was worth the effort!

It is beginning to dawn on me how close we are to this journey being over, I guess I'm feeling negative today. If this does not work we only have 2 babies left and if these two efforts didn't work what is to say the next will?

I know I need to be positive but it's not so easy all the time :(

6dp7dt...

Today has been full of preparations for my upcoming company holiday party.  I spent my morning printing name tags, table tents and getting them organized.  I am also working on a surprise employee thing that I won't mention here in case any of them read this.

I also had the most wonderful lunch of left overs BUT it was sitting at the table in the break room with my BFF Caroline and Andreas like we used to do.  I haven't sat in there since she left work just over a year ago.  It was nice! 

Last night I was laying on the couch when Shelby (black cat) jumps on my chest.  I lifted her off and put her on the back of the couch.  Kyle tells me I shouldn't pick her up because he thinks she weighs more than 10lbs (my limit for now).  He actually took her to the bathroom and weighed her!  She is 13lbs so I guess I won't be picking her up anymore, at least for now.  I thought that was so funny last night and sweet that he is taking such care of me in this 2ww.

As for me, well I believe my mind plays tricks with me.  I feel little twinges here and there and then some heaviness in my lower belly area but I'm sure all of my IVF friends know, that could be anything.

So still I have not POAS (piss on a stick) mostly because Kyle didn't want me to and then Caroline told me I shouldn't.  I can't imagine that I can wait another week but we will take it day by day!

4dp7dt...

Today is the fourth day after the embryo transfer of our 7 day old blasts. By most accounts we can probably test at home tomorrow and see if things turn out positive but we are holding out.

I went back to work today and refrained from moving anything or picking up anything too heavy.

I also got to welcome my BFF back to her old job at work!! That is a huge deal since I was the one who was charged with laying her off last year and it broke my heart! She also reminded me today that everything happens for a reason and if these babies stick I would need backup at work. Lucky me, she's back!

I'm sure it's God's work here although I don't want my hopes too high but that made me smile ;)

Bed Rest day 2.5 continued

Today was a good day of nothingness! Ha! Mom, Dad and Todd came and brought roast for lunch. They stayed and hung out for a while.

I missed Sharon's bday dinner tonight but husband brought me leftovers which were delicious!

Now I lay here and do nothing but again if this works then it is worth it!

Bed Rest continued...

I've made it almost 24 hours in this bed.

Thankfully Husband has been wonderful and checked on me, cooked for me and switched out pills for me. He also brought me lunch with pineapples since pineapples are super prego food! I thought it was sweet.

I think the folks are coming by later to hang out a bit and maybe Todd. Amanda mentioned coming by too.

Other than that me and the twins will lay here and maybe make it to the couch in a bit.

Keep praying for us!

PUPU!

Husband and I are sitting/laying here with our twins in my belly!

Everything went perfectly after conversations about me being so tall for the bed and not needing the step stool. I don't even feel much although it could be those Xanax I had! Lol

I have to lay here for 30 minutes and then we are off to get lunch and put me in bed. I decided bed would be best for the remainder of the day with some pillows under my legs. Lets hope it helps and these kids get comfy!!!

I took a couple of Kyle in his gown still playing his video games...

Thanks for the support, now we wait!!

Full Steam Ahead!

Yesterday was my scheduled RE appointment for this cycle.  Because I don't take stims this cycle I don't have to go very often. 

 

Shockingly enough I was yet again unprepared for this visit!  I thought I would go in and do blood work then have my ultra sound to check my lining and be finished. I was wrong and it is a little frustrating that they don't tell me these things.  I have this nice schedule that tells me what drugs to take and what to stop and start depending on my results but do they tell you the whole story... no!

 

So I go in with nurse Donna who does my weight (gained 6lbs in 2 months) and then she took my blood pressure which was excellent.  I go into the exam room next where Ms. Devine comes in to do my ultrasound.  She says my lining looks excellent at a 10.2 (it needs to be at least a 9).  She checks my ovaries and all looks good.  So then she says," we are going to do your cervical stitch". WHAT?  OUCH!  I tell myself that I have no choice and this too shall pass.

 

She swabs some numbing junk up there then says we have to let it sit for about 5 minutes to work.  She gets up to leave the room and schedule my appointment for Friday and says we will wait for Dr. Homm because it takes her about 5 minutes to do the procedure but he can do it in 2 minutes so she will let him do it... again UGH!  I sat there for about 15 minutes and let me just say it was NOT COMFORTABLE!  Dr. Homm finally came in with his nurse and did two "pass throughs" as he called it in about 2 minutes.  Let's just say that the numbing stuff isn't full proof!

 

I was instructed to stop injections after 25 of those bad boys and start the rest of my drugs.  My pill case looks like an old lady since now I am taking:

1. Prednisone (3x a day)
2. Doxicyclone (2x a day)
3. Estrogen (2x a day) 
4. Prenatal
5. Baby Asprin
6. DHA
7. Folic Acid

Oh and I still wear a estogen patch and do crinone twice a day, oh and I get to add some xanax to that Thursday night and Friday morning!

 

So I have an appointment for Friday at 12:30 to collect 2 (7 day old) blasts and put them back in their home. 

 

Please pray for us, we need all we can get!

Chugging away

Today marks Day19 of Lupron injections.  WOW!  It is just a normal part of the morning routine now and I can say I have only bruised myself once.  I added the estrogen patches and pills to the mix last week then doubled them on Saturday and we will increase them again tomorrow.  I can say I feel like a teenager again with chin acne, ugh!  Oh well, if it works it is worth it.

Many of you know that I follow a fertility thread of woman going through similar things as we are.  These woman are encouraging and understanding and offer great advice when you need it.  Today I caught up from the weekend and there are so many woman that received a BFN.  I am so sad for them that now they have to go through such an emotional thing and find where the next steps are.  At the same time I think, well does this give us better odds of seeing a BFP?  Isn't that terrible, I mean I feel terrible for thinking it?  What can I say, statistics are always in the back of my mind and that is what I thought every time I saw a BFP come up on the thread.  I am happy for them especially ones that I have grown so close to and I pray for these woman daily.  Such a roller coaster of emotions.

To be honest, I am kind of tired of thinking about it and having to "process" my feelings before speaking.

Pokey & Tired

Today was day 7 of Lupron injections.  I can say at this point that the largest side effect is HUNGER!  Not even hunger really, I just want to eat everything and it didn't help that we had no food in the house.  That just made me want to go out and get some delicious food like Tumbleweed or Bungalow Joe's.  Thank goodness I went to the grocery last night, at least I am now eating a turkey sandwich and reduced fat cheese its.  Minor mistake there, I brought the box to work with me!

This morning during my usual injection I had an accident.  When my mother gave me my trigger HCG shot in the hiney during my first round she broke the needle when she was finished.  She said that prevented anyone from using it again in case they found it in the garbage.  Since then I have been breaking every needle and tossing them in my hazardous waste box.  This morning I was a little careless about it and OUCH!  The needle came through the side of the cap and stabbed me.  I now have a bruise from it?  Good thing it was my dirty needle!

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Today is a new day...

I was a little excited yesterday when I got the call from the Fed Ex store that my box was ready to pick up.  While out running some errands for work I stopped by and picked it up.  After going through the package to make sure all of my meds were present and accounted for I realize the Lupron bottle is SO TINY and doesn't seem to have much in it.  I have to take that stuff (small amount) but for 24 days!

After reading my usual fertility thread, the ladies said they thought the same thing which made me feel better.

So this morning I took my first subcutaneous injection of Lupron (10u).  The injection was much like the Ganarilex that I took last time.  My biggest suggestion to anyone who ever has to give a shot to yourself, make sure the alcohol is dry!  That tends to burn if not.

We are 3.5 hours post injection and I have a slight headache and some light headedness which is common.  Some women have mood swings too so I will be on the look out for that (poor husband).

This weekend we will celebrate Thanksgiving dinner with great friends (code for gonna be FAT!) and then we will celebrate Kyle's 31st birthday!  He has requested country ham at Lady Lunch and Cheddar's for birthday dinner on Monday.  Heck, if I'm lucky we might get to squeeze in some sushi too!

FET Medications

My doctor's office faxed my prescriptions to the pharmacy I used last IVF cycle, Metro Drugs.  I thought it would be cheapest since it was last time BUT I'm glad I kept checking.  Freedom Pharmacy is the Express Scripts recommended specialty pharmacy that you have to use with my insurance and special order drugs.  In my mind, everything that was not a "fertility drug" should be covered under my insurance because they are pregnancy support drugs so I made an extra effort and it paid off.

So let's review the medication needed and then compare costs between Metro Drugs and Freedom Pharmacy:

Drugs                                    Metro                                    Freedom
Crinone 8%                            $528.00                                 $60.00 co-pay (covered, no generic)
Lupron (Leuprolide generic)    $225.00                                 $199.00 (not covered by insurance)
Prednisone                              $2.68                                     $.78 (covered)
Estrodial Tablets                     $0.00                                     $0.00 (covered)
Doxycycline                            $5.03                                     $0.00 (covered)
Climara Patches                      $60.00                                   $60.00 (covered)
Monoject Syringes                  $0.00                                     $0.00 (covered)
Total                                      $820.71                                 $319.78

So my extra effort saved us $500.93 :)

I start my Lupron injections on Friday and will continue taking them for what seems like FOREVER!

New Calendar :)

Yesterday I visited my RE office (Fertility Office) for my post-IVF scan.  All was well, still producing extra follicles from all the residual drugs in my system but they are tiny.  Ms. Devine thought everything looked great so we moved on to our consultation.

We decided to move forward as soon as my body was able and Ms. Devine is very positive about our next cycle.  We will once again transfer two embabies only this time they will be frosty! :)

So here is the tentative schedule:
11/2   - Start daily Lupron injections sub cutaniously - Continue baby asprin, BCP and Vitamins
11/9   - Stop BCP
11/12 - Continue Lupron injection and add estrogen patch with 2mg estrogen pills
11/17 - Change estrogen patch and increase pills to 4mg
11/21 - Change estrogen patch and increase pills to 6 mg
11/26 - Scan and blood work (stop Lupron and decrease estrogen to 4 mg) Start Doxycycline & Crinone 2x daily
11/27 - Start Prednisone - continue Doxycycline and Crinone
11/30 - FET - 2 Frosites! AA and AB grade
11/30-12/3 - Bedrest again... 

As you can see this is alot of medication and changes over a few weeks and believe me it can get confusing.  I already have my calendar marked and I feel organized.  Now to see how much the Lupron will cost, UGH!

Comments

Today I woke up to the most terrible nightmare of a previous life I do not wish to return to.  When I came to and realized it was the past and I had such a wonderful, loving husband and family to share my life with I took a big breathe of relief.

We are just moving day by day now.  I had many people say kind things to us after reading our blog and I thank each of you for taking an interest in someone elses life.  It says a lot about your character or maybe you are just nosy :)  Whichever, I'll take it!

I think the most popular comment is "your so brave for sharing your story".  I don't feel brave, I just don't want to be confronted by the comments that are made ignorantly.  I would like to help others understand that people have struggles and things going on in their personal lives that you might not know about.

By the way, next time you encounter one of those people that says," I can just look at her and she gets pregnant".  Slap them for me :)

Another step closer to 2...

Over the weekend Kyle and I had an opportunity to get back to normal.  We spent some time with friends, had Lady lunch without Lady since she was in SC with Rhonda.  We worked on a project with Dad and then moved Kim.

I called the doctor on Monday as instructed and set up my next appointment.  I started birth control pills again yesterday and on October 15th I will go in for my scan and consultation.  This will lead us into our FET cycle.

I just wish time would go FASTER!!!  I know I should not wish away my days but I can't help it, I'm anxious.

FET Process

So next steps are a little vague at this point but after going through such a process as IVF, I get the routine.

1. Start birth control again to shut down my system and bring all of my numbers back to 0.
2. Scan/Calendar visit with doctor in about three weeks.
3. Lupron injections for two weeks to suppress the pituitary gland, increase uterine lining and prevent premature ovulation.
4. Vivelle patches again to raise estrogen levels.
5. After Lupron then Progesterone supplements
6. Antibiotics to make sure there is no infection that would prevent implantation

Thankfully our excellent quality frosties save my body from the first half of IVF where my ovaries are ridiculously full and uncomfortable.  We even have one frosty that is graded AA, the best grade you can get!  We also have one that is AB running a close second!

Last will be the FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer), sometime the beginning of December so Kyle and I have to decide how many embabies to put back in this time.  We talked about it last night and he said, "put them all in"!  I'm not sure I am ready to put all of my eggs in one basket (HA) for a few reasons.  I don't think I can work a full time job and care for quadruplets or more, I don't think my body could handle that many babies and I would like to have a fall back plan if this cycle doesn't work. 

The FET is MUCH cheaper than the IVF cycle.  We did a quick calculation last night and came up with about $2500 plus medication.  Thank goodness our December FET was included with our financed package we are already making payments on.

A new day

First, THANK YOU to everyone for your thoughts, prayers and support, we have some great friends and family!

Last night Kyle and I spent some quality time together just being sad.  We learned from this process that when I go for beta testing, Kyle will go too.  I just needed company in the parking garage and someone with cash at McDonald's! lol

After some time on the couch together our mood lightened after this conversation:
Me:  I have a question, and I'm serious
Husband: Ok
Me: If our frosties were "created" in September but we aren't going to use them until December, what will their birthday be?
Husband:  I'm pretty sure it will be when you give birth to them.
Me: lol, ok let me rephrase, if they were created in September instead of being 9 months old in the womb will they be 12?
Husband: I don't know, they are frozen!

Kyle and I sat and laughed about such a funny question.  I suppose it depends on your moral opinion of when our children were created and what that means in the eyes of the lord.

Bad News...

Today was Beta day that I was so impatiently waited for.  I was not prepared that the dr would have me do a urine test when I got there. After I did my blood work I waited for the dr in the conference room.

I knew what she was going to say unfortunately, I just knew it. She said it was no good. I did so great through the whole IVF process and had such good reports, she really thought it would have worked.  You just can't control your body :(

Thankfully we have 4 frosties that are in excellent condition for a frozen transfer in December. Ugh! Another three months :(

I spent the next hour in the parking garage crying followed by a melt down at mcD's when the drive thru lady said they were cash only... Ugh!

I don't just feel like my body let me down but it also let Kyle down as well as our family.

The dreaded 2 WW

The 2ww is miserable at this point.  I am still using the vivelle patches and endometrim suppositories so any sign that you might actually be prego can all be attributed to the progesterone supplements!

I finally broke down and took a test this morning at 9dp3dt.  (9 days past a 3 day transfer)

It was negative :(  I spent the first five minutes of my morning crying since I know lots of other woman in my situation that got BFPs at this point.  I feel a little hopeless but I also know it is still possible to pull one out.

I will just have to wait for BETA on Thursday...  UGH! More waiting!

Snow Angels or Frosties

I received a call at work on Wednesday 9/19 from the Embryologist to let us know we had 4 perfect frosties!  (Frozen Embryos)

This is really great news for multiple reasons!  We have a back up plan and I don't have to put my poor body through all the injections again for another try!

PUPO & Bed Rest...

Bored!  That is all I can say.  I laid on the couch for four days and did nothing! 

This is the phase that Infertile folks like to call, PUPO.  Stands for pregnant until proven otherwise!  And I am now PUPO with TWINS! :)

On Saturday night, Sharon and Court came over to visit.  I felt bad for Sharon since she is allergic to my furbabies and they wanted to see her SO BAD!  She stayed until she just couldn't breath anymore :)

On Sunday, Kyle's car arrived in the am.  He was SO EXCITED!  A 1965 Mustang thanks to Godmother and Aunt, Kim.  So I had a little visit from Joni, Laura and Kim.  I watched out the front window to get my only glimpse of the car as the tow truck backed it in our driveway. 

Mom, Dad and Todd came over for Lady Lunch.  Mom and Todd stayed and kept me company.  Karen and David came over too from a few doors down just to see how I was.

On Monday I took a shower and then laid on the couch.  Dad brought us lunch from Panera and hung out with me for a while.  We watched some court tv, Rachel Ray and some talk tv.  That night, Kyle made taco salad for dinner and brought me roses!  Such a sweet husband.

On Tuesday, my last day of lock up I did the same routine as Monday but Dad brought Popeyes for us.  We watched more tv and I actually took a nap.  Janna came by after work and brought us dinner.  Very kind! :)  Husband made chili for my cook-off at work while I watched more TV!

Finally on Wednesday I got to go back to work and really begin what they like to call the two week wait!

Egg Transfer

Kyle and I were scheduled for egg transfer on Saturday 9/15.  We arrived a little early and nurse Donna took me right back.  I changed into one of those gorgeous gowns again and husband put on a paper one with some cute booties. 

The embryologist, AKA first baby sitter, came in to tell us about our kids.  3 - 8 cell embryos, 3 - 7 cell embryos, 2 - 6 cell embryos, 1 - 5 cell and 1 - 4 cell.  The 3 - 8s and the 3 - 7s are great! 

Then it was off to the procedure room again for the transfer.  Let me say, I didn't remember this room besides seeing it on the tour many weeks before.  Lovely to find out that I talked and "helped" Dr. Homm during my egg retrieval in this very room.  I don't remember any of it!

Let me also share that this was Kyle's first "female" experience.  I think it's good for him but he kept looking for buttons and things to play with while I am exposed! 

The whole procedure took about five minutes then I was wheeled back to the recovery area to sit with legs elevated for 30 minutes. 

I got to keep pictures of our kids

On the way home we stopped for Rally's and spent the rest of the day doing NOTHING followed by another three days of nothing!

Fertility Report

Thursday 9/13, I returned to work.  I realized when leaving for work that I lost my favorite jean jacket in the ER process.  I called mom to ask her if she knew what I did with it but she didn't.  On the way to work I stopped to grab some thicker pads to deal with some spotting and Endometrin issues.  Feeling mostly fine, we had a food truck event for the United Way in the parking lot for lunch.  I went down to wait in line for my pizza when I got the call! 

Ms. Devine said out of 11 eggs, 10 were mature and all 10 fertilized! WOW!  We have 10 kids!

I haven't been so excited through this process as I was when I got that call.  I was surprised at myself actually.  I texted Kyle the good news and then called my mom.  Another step checked off the IVF list!

Egg Retrieval

My appointment was scheduled for Wednesday 9/12 at 11am.  Mom picked me up from the house and Kyle met us at the doctor office.  They took me back and I changed into a gorgeous gown.  Once I was comfortably in bed with a warm blanket they got Kyle.  He joined me for a short time while Ms. Devine prepared a "cocktail" as she called it.

She started my IV twice.  Once using a spot that had multiple sticks in the previous weeks for my blood work, OUCH!  So Ms. Devine took that one out and started one in my hand.  She hooked me up to something? and then injected the "cocktail".  She said I would really like it :)

I remember Kyle saying "night, night" as I looked over at the blood pressure machine.  That was the last thing I remember! 

I woke up to Ms. Devine and Dr. Homm standing beside me.  My mom came in and sat in the chair beside me.  In time for Dr. Homm to tell me he got 11 eggs!  GREAT NEWS! 

The nurse, Cindy (who mom knew), said they drained my cyst while they were in there and if I had finger print bruises on my abdomin that is why.  She had to push down on me to get to it????  Another OUCH!

After ER, I was given some pain meds and got dressed.  Mom took me to meet Dad at Famous Daves since I was starving!  I remember eating a salad but couldn't tell you what we talked about.

I spent the rest of the day on the couch, a little sore but fine!

Trigger Time!

On my Monday appointment 9/10 I got a great review with lots of follicles!  :)  It's time to trigger for my retrieval on 9/12.

Ms. Devine went ahead and prepared my shot then put a circle on my rear where the shot was to be placed.  I went home with the intention of Kyle giving it to me so I didn't have to drive over to my mom's at midnight!  I almost had him convinced to do it until he saw the needle.  This one was no joke with about an inch and a half needle on it.

Needless to say I drove to mom's at midnight.  I showed her my circle but she didn't like that placement.  Guess it's a nurse thing.  So she made her own.  She had me lay on the bed and before I felt anything it was over!  She did a fantastic job!  Thanks Mom!

Injections x2

Good thing they let you start off with the daily Follistim.  It gave me time to get comfortable with my little needle.  Well now I get to add the Ganarilex to it and that is a bigger needle.  It hurt more and it itched afterward too!  But I have to keep telling myself that it will be worth it if this works...

Injection

I made it through the 1st injection with flying colors.  I was a bit sore afterward and I must have been squeezing my belly extra hard:

So I shouldn't be a phlebotomist :)

Baseline and Training

I went in for my baseline which was fine.  By now I am very used to those awkward ultra sounds.  Ms. Devine said I had 5 small follicles hanging out and a cyst on the right side.   This was news to me!  She said it was fine and it shouldn't cause any issues.

Next I had blood drawn (4 vials).  Good thing I knew my blood type or that was another few vials!

Next was training on how to draw my medication up and how to inject myself.  I got to practice on a fake belly and was feeling pretty good about it until she pulled out an insulin needle and saline.  YUP, she made me shoot myself right there!  To my surprise it was a little stick and then I couldn't feel anything pushing the needle on in.

Last I got to go on a tour of the procedure room which was a bit creepy since there was no one in there.  Just a bunch of beds and medical equipment.  It reminded me of the haunted houses when I was a kid at Waverly Hills! lol

Well all done, time to move on!

Calendar Consultation

I went for my calendar consultation July 31st.  This includes the calendar of when and what drugs I am to take, egg retrieval, egg transfer, beta test...  You will not believe the list of drugs, ready?:

1. Birth Control Pills to put your ovaries into hybrenation.
2. Follistim injections to wake the ovaries up and produce eggs.  This will be a daily shot of 250 units.
3. Vivelle patches to increase my estogen.  Change these twice a week.
4. Ganirelix injections added a week after Follistim to keep me from ovulating.
5. Pregnyl (HCG) to inject 36 hours before Egg retrieval.
6. Doxycycline antibiotic to prevent infection after Egg retrieval
7. Prednisone to increase implantation
8. Endometrin to suport embryo implantation and support early pregnancy by increasing the progesterone.

Grand Total after my insurance picked up the BCP, Dox and Pred - $2,700.00

Let the games begin on 8/28/2012 with my baseline appointment.  This includes an ultra sound and bloodwork.  The ultra sound will be to check my uterus lining and my ovaries to see if there are any follicles hanging out already.

The next chapter...

Kyle and I decided to meet with the Dr and go over the details of IVF (In vitro fertilization).  We met with them around May of 2012 where we learned all we ever wanted to know including the ching, ching, ching $$$$, WOW! 

So here is what they tell you on the money front:  Meds will run you between $2-5K then the procedure is $5,500 plus the lab costs and monitoring for a total around $10,000.  Don't forget, insurance pays NOTHING on the procedure and we only get one fresh cycle for that dough. 

Thank goodness there is a company that finances IVF because we don't have that kind of cash lying around.  This company will finance a package with add ons.  The package allows one fresh and one frozen cycle with monitoring and ICSI for $12,160!

That total does not include the medication which we will have to find an alternative payment for.  After playing the fertility game for years now I realize that sometimes the insurance company lets meds slide through like HCG or the fertility pills just not the procedure.  So I hope that works out for me to reduce the cost out of pocket! 

After much discussion, Kyle and I decided we were not ready to give up our efforts.  Yes, this means we will probably live in our same home for longer and drive our same ol' cars for longer but all in all we would rather have a baby than those new fancy things.  We decide to shoot for September 2012, why you ask, I'm not sure.  Something about time to process, change back to traditional insurance and enjoy our "hopefully" last summer without kiddos.

The Past

Looking back over the years, I don't think Kyle and I ever anticipated not being like every other newly married couple.  I say that because most just have plans of getting married and waiting 1, 2, 3 years to have children.  Since Kyle and I had been married before we were a little behind in the child department.  When we got married we decided to "stop preventing" thinking it would just eventually happen.  Month after month we got nothing and we were enjoying just being together so it wasn't cause for concern, yet. 

It was May of 2010 when I went to visit my lady doctor.  We had our usual discussions about life, love and happiness.  When she asked about children, I explained that we had been trying for about13 months with no success.  Statistically if you are under 30 and have been trying for 1 year with no success, you have issues.  My doctor suggested that Kyle be tested first since it was much less invasive.  After testing, Kyle's doctor did say that in his professional opinion he thought we could eventually get pregnant but that it may take a very long time and it was up to us how long we were willing to wait.

Now for those that know me, you already know I am high risk and at this time I was 32 so the thought of creeping up on 35 worried me.  I didn't want to miss my window and then what?  After Kyle and I discussed the results he felt the same way I did, "What's next"?

In June of 2010 we visited Dr. Homm for a consultation to understand what infertility was and how we needed to treat it.  Dr. Homm wanted to bring me in for a baseline and ultrasound to make sure my ovaries, uterus and tubes were all functioning properly. 

During my baseline and ultrasound everything was functioning fine so I opted out of the dye testing, OUCH! (Let's hope that was a fine choice). 

Let's just take a time out to discuss insurance for a moment - IT COVERS NOTHING! :)  Now that we got that out of the way, lets move on...

In February of 2011, after saving some extra dough ($1,000), Kyle and I tried our first IUI (Intrauterine Insemination).  Let me just say this is the oddest thought process when Kyle isn't even there when the child is conceived???  He had already been by around lunch to drop off the goods.  Needless to say failed attempt.

In July of 2011 I began taking fertility pills calld Letrozole to up my egg production to give Kyle's goods a better chance.  We then attempted our second IUI, this one was a little more exciting when I got a BFP (Big Fat Positive) although when I went to the Dr and did my blood work it came back very low and she said it was a chemical pregnancy, which is basically a very early miscarriage.  Most people don't even know they have experienced these because they don't know they are pregnant until weeks after.  Guess that is the down fall of all this counting, dates, beta, appointments.  BOO!

In November of 2011, we repeat the same routine and get nothing.  It is by this time that we are pretty beat down with these attempts.  We were just sure it would work and we would get to share our good news at Christmas, one of my favorite holidays by the way.  Now we are discouraged and start talking about other options and how much it would cost and where on earth we would get the money!

We decide in March of 2012 that we will give IUI one more shot and if it is meant to be then it will be.  Guess what... It didn't work AGAIN! UGH!  So after spending well over $4,000 after medication and treatments we have nothing to show for it but discouragement and broken hearts.